Day 9

I arrived at Suan Kaeo Resort at about 8:30 Sunday morning the 23rd. This is like a small private catering park with a couple of dormitory buildings and a lake.

There are ostrich and peacock there. There were also 28 children interested in art...28 children born with HIV, for the most part, orphans. I have been in a situation like this 3 days earlier..what will I do? I felt so powerless and incompetent at the Agape Home. Now I was schedule for an all day workshop with the "We Understand group." A group that is all around Thailand.

I was scheduled now for a full day workshop...I knew we would do a slideshow, I was not sure what else. I was sinking into fear...confusion, inadequacy.

Then I met Krue Oui, the teacher and heart for this center. Thailand is an opportunity of the heart. The respect here is for the gift of being...the energy of the soul.

Oui is a psychologist by trade. Who has focused on the care, love, and nourishment of children born with HIV all over Thailand. She is a teacher of the heart, she is a guide of the spirit, she is will within the heart...the tantric union of heart, mind and spirit, and her face glows with the joy of life.

I met the children. This was different than Agape...there was no authority trip, the children were clean, there was a natural air of safety and encouragement for everyone. It was the infectiousness of life, life in the presence of great trauma and isolation.

Thailand lets one live closer to their heart, at least that is my feeling, people are receptive to energy given with care.

We had an all day workshop, by 5 in the afternoon I needed more time...I am going back to this place in December for a 2 day workshop.

What did we do? We looked at my pictures...I talked about isolation...we drew and colored..then I did some imagery work with the children. After Agape I was so sad, what have I got? What can I do? I found on this day what I can do: I can reach into them, I can bring them from total darkness to hope and movement. All of the children have the correct medications, they are healthy in their lives.

What they carry besides the virus is the isolation, doubt, pain, rage, and confusion of why them, where is Mother and Father? These children are true victims...yet they just want to live normal lives.

So, I took them into their darkness...see it, feel it..let the pain touch you...there were lots of tears and lots of staff and we all gave lots of hugs...the children felt relief....someone came into their empty isolated overwhelming darkness, someone came and helped pull out the shame, and cracked open the doors that trap them inside.

I have always admired those who can dedicate themselves to a life of service, or bookbinding, or Bonsai growing. How does one stick, anchor, lash down and feel good? At one point that day, I thought, I could do this for the rest of my life...a chance to love for me, a chance to give, and still there is the strong desire to feel at peace with self and life, that I was loved for who I was, what I am...who I became. And loving makes it possible to be loved in who one becomes.

Born HIV Positive

One of a Kind Oui